I am so happy you asked. I learned from the DBT group I was in back when I was struggling with depression and other psychological issues. I wrote about it in this post

http://hopenminded.com/2009/06/23/seriously-try-it/

I think people can order the books on line now to try it themselves. but when i did it it was new and only for group settings.

I can recommend meditating on simple things throughout your day. Things you would not think your judging but you do. Like judging the weather by the sky. If its dark and cloudy our minds automatically give us a judgment of how we are going to feel that day or how we will either enjoy or not enjoy the weather as it is. Instead look at the dark clouds and just call them what they are not how they make you feel.
example:
the clouds are a dark gray
they are grouped together to the west blowing toward the east
I see rain in the distance
the rain is being blown by wind

I know it sounds ridiculous. but if you try to practice this with little things you may find at first its harder than you thought. that is why i say start with the small stuff and move up to the bigger things.

also an open mind to understanding that everyone is in a different place and is going to a different end than ourselves helps me. knowing that even the “negative” forces in my life taught me very important lessons that i would never give up now, helps me to temper my judgment with love.

Honestly I think in the case of the mother and the child she called retarded I might have just said to her calmly and looking right in her eyes, “your child is not retarded and you are lucky she is so healthy and has such a good vocabulary. She has been clearly expressing to you her needs and very politely, but you were ignoring her on your phone.”

I have done this before. I can read people, and I know this woman would not have taken it wrong. She may have started to cry from embarrassment, and guilt. I think she knew better but was not thinking. I feel for people like that, they are just caught up and need to be brought down to what is really important. The saddest thing is those who get caught up and stay caught up forever.

The woman in line in front of me. I simply would have said, ” do you know what you sound like? your practically yelling out your self righteous judgments of every person in your path. and in the middle of a walmart no less surrounded by some of the very people you would throw your judgments on. you might want to keep it down.” Im just glad her friend told her to shut up, the look on her face was priceless.

And of course for Miss scaredy pants I didnt exactly keep my mouth SHUT SHUT. I gave her examples of how she could encourage her child instead of limiting her, by using my smallest child as an example in close proximity. Not in a bragging type way but a way that gave her ideas of what she could do. She noticed. I saw her try to change right then, but she really was scared. No worries though, a seed was planted.

That last one? Made me want to kick the mother. I’m not a fanatic about it, but I hate the way people throw the word “retard” around. Being the mother of a child who is actually severely mentally retarded – I take it as a personal insult. Retardation is a medical diagnosis, not a character flaw or put down. I just find it insulting and that it shows a lack of intelligence (usually) of the person using the word. I know it’s only a word, and it shouldn’t bug me so much. But it does.

So I’m really curious – HOW are you doing this? HOW are you stopping the judgments from running through your mind?

I really admire your ability to step in and tell people what’s what and to boot, probably in a calm manner. I would just blow my top if I even attempted it.

Oh, and I just love those holier than thou types who think they know EVERYTHING about parenting when they don’t even have kids. I’m glad her friend told her to shut up, lol.

That last one calling her kid a retard pissed me off. Poor kid.