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Young,Dumb and Full of……..

Dear Hopenminded,

I have a problem. I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend. I wanted it to be peaceful and calm. I mean I do care about her. I wanted to be friends. I just couldn’t stay with her cause I’m only 16 and she is 13 and things were getting to serious. I wanted to meet other girls and sort of figure out what kind of person I really mix well with.

Um so here is the shitter. She flips out on me on random days for random reasons. I told her we could still be friends and we talk just as much as we used to. Like every night. She gets jealous when I don’t respond to her texts.

Well this crap keeps happening and she keeps trying to make me feel bad and now she is telling me she is pregnant. She said some horrible stuff to me, like she would abort the baby cause she hates the thought of someone living inside of her that has any part of me in it. Or she calls me and says she will keep it and never let me see it. She is freaking out and crying and saying awful things to me.  I don’t know anything about how the girls body works, but she said she was on birth control before all this, now she says it must have not worked. I don’t know if that is true, can that happen?

I’m already upset that I didn’t  use a condom and believed she was on birth control. I’m already upset that i may have created a human being at the age of 16yrs old, but I’m hurt even more that someone who says they love you can say such horrible things you. It seems like she never loved me at all if she can do this to me.

I don’t know what my parents will say or do. I’m sort of afraid to mention it to them. I haven’t mentioned this to any other people at all really. I am still in shock I think.

What do I do? Should I talk to her more? Should I ignore her? It all hurts so much and this is just too big for me to deal with alone.

any help is appreciated,

Young, Dumb and full of ……….

Dear Young,Dumb and full of……….,

Short version: Keep your dick covered from now on. Worry about school not screwing.

Now for the real deal on helping you cope. It’s very possible she is fabricating.  It is so common for young girls and even some seriously stunted women to pull this shit when they feel they are losing a man. So don’t believe her fully until you see proof she is pregnant. Insist on going to a doctor appt with her, tell her you want to see this life you created. If she chooses to abort then offer to pay for half of it. Ask for the clinic name and call them and just ask how much it costs for an abortion so you get the right amount. Your looking at like 300 dollars just from you. If she refuses to take your money then she is most likely lying and will try to use the “fact” that she had an abortion to make you feel like shit later.  But seriously if this is something that you believe would have happened recently then you should just wait a month or two. There really is nothing you can do if she is knocked up or if she is lying.  Either way you need sleep,you need to go to school, and you need to live your life. Do those things. Take care of yourself and for Gods sake keep a fucking condom on if you screw around with any other girls. If you do that, then you always have the security of knowing no female can mess with you on this subject again.

Now for the emotional part of this game she is playing.   People have a bad habit of trying to tear others down when they are feeling insecure or lonely or just shitty in general. It’s not that she didn’t ever love you, its just that she doesn’t love herself very much and doesn’t understand how to deal with her emotions. This is common and I’m sure if you search back in your mind you will remember many a time you have spoken harshly to someone you said you loved. Your love didn’t stop just because you told your sister she was stupid brat or when you told your mom you hated her, you were just expressing yourself the only way you knew how. The goal is to grow over time and no longer use attacks to try to heal your own frustration or pain.  So try to understand that this very young girl has obviously taken on more than she can deal with. If she could deal with it properly she would not be in so much pain. This also leaves open the idea that you have taken on more than you can deal with, you may want to consider that you are just too young to be delving into sexual relationships right now. Now even if you take the sex out just a serious relationship could get dicey for you.

If you want the pain to stop, let it come without fighting it, be kind to the person hurting you without letting go of your self respect. When she tries to be dramatic and hurtful, just say you wont speak to her when she is acting that way and hang up. If it feels right, once you find out she is not pregnant cut off all ties with her.  She has some serious issues to deal with and your too young to be her therapist.

Enjoy your youth using your brain not your dick. Feel free to email me again if you need more help.

Take care,

Hopenminded