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When I am angered

Posted: September 28, 2009 at 11:59 pm | Tags: bitch please, get the ugly out, rant

I clean and now I can blog. Not a bad combo for coping with issues of anger.

I have to get this one out so be warned this is a vomit of sorts if you don’t like that sort of thing go read something else.

Most days I can flow with life as it strikes and choose how I will take the ride. Unfortunately on this particular evening someone took away my desired path. My path was to refresh and find kindness and forgiveness. All I found was a stone cold wall of harsh rejections. I am left with frustration and her ignorance. Not a comfortable feeling to be holding.

The thing that bothers me most is that she rejected not only me but my children.

Let me tell ya a little story ’bout a human being lacking in common sense and human kindness.

Setting the scene.

A packed and wild late night local high school football game.  I am alone amongst several thousand people, alone with my 3 young children that is.  I have no way to make it through the crowds with my stroller, cooler, back pack of toys and hiking pack filled with my youngest on my back.  Fortunately I don’t have to maneuver through the hustle and bustle and am proudly escorted by my husband through the pass gate and lead to a very comfy and secluded seating section with only half a dozen other people in it. Enough room for my children to run back and forth in the seats, not disturbing anyone, and they get to catch glimpses of there daddy as he passes by.  We get to feel the excitement of the two teams and their fans without being threatened with their screaming voices and possibly trampled on.  The night was hot and the kids drank several juice boxes and waters to keep cool.

Incident.

My 3year old says, “mommy I have to pee. NOOOOWWW!”  He is still new to the game of not pissing his pants, so this warning is always taken seriously.  Now keep in mind I could never make it to a bathroom with all my kids and stuff, and allowing him to pee in the stands is just in poor taste.  On the other hand I have no issue with him peeing on a bush outside. So I politely ask another fan to watch my stroller and stuff and grab up my 3 kids and walk them to the pass gate just a few yards away.  As I approach the woman sitting there has a nasty look on her face, as if she is disgusted by me. I often forget I have many tattoos, holes in my face and unnaturally bright red hair until I get a look like that.  My first reaction is always to show kindness, in hopes it will melt their initial ignorant preconceived ideas of me and soften the situation.  I said hello and explained my 3year old was about to pee his pants and I just needed to slip through to a tall bush on the other side to let him relieve himself or he would pee his pants.

She tells me in the most rude and unfeeling voice possible, ” if you leave your not coming back in.”

I explain to her my stuff is still inside and some stranger is watching it for me, I will be very quick and that it’s really not a problem. I grabbed the kids hands hands and began to walk out and she stood up in my face almost giving me a chest bump and saying, “I mean it you will not come back in here.”

Frustrated and concerned for my child’s needs, I just huff away and mumble something about find a quiet hallway for him then. I walked him down the locker room halls hoping to find an open door and did not. He began to piss his pants and I tried to help him remove his pants so he would get less on himself. In the end he had to take off his shorts and spend the rest of the time at the game in his T-shirt and underwear.  I was pissed.  I even held up my sons wet shorts and said to the woman, “hey maybe you could wash these for him so he doesn’t have to miss out on going out to pizza with his daddy after the game.”

I sat and I calmed down for the next hour or so.  I decided that If I am going to be the supportive wife and attend my husbands work functions that the people working for him should know who I am.   It might just clear things up and avoid this problem in the future.

I walk my children over the pass gate again. I make sure to put on a soft smile and have nothing but good intentions in my heart. A woman from the other team approaches, she is a coach and loaded down with piles of bags and equipment. I step back to let her go first. She too is stopped by this woman and told harshly she will not be allowed back in.

The woman sort of laughs a bit and says, “I’m one of the coaches, it’s ok. I have to take this stuff to my car and return for the rest of it.”

The gate keeper says, ” no, why don’t you just leave that stuff here, and go get the rest now.”

The coach says, ” Um NO! I’m going to take this to my car, and I am going to return for the rest. I have a pass somewhere Im sure. Don’t you worry you wont get in any trouble letting a coach back in.”

The coach walks away.

I approach, admittedly sort of laughing that this gate keeper feels she has such “power” to wield she can speak so rudely to anyone and everyone. It made me feel a little better, that she was simple a person lacking common sense and not discriminating against me because of my appearance.

I started off by saying, “Hi, I’m sorry but I think we started off on the wrong foot.”

The gate keeper smirks and says, “oh yeah.”

“I really think we should introduce ourselves properly to avoid this problem in the future. I am Mr. N’s wife and these are his children.”

She interrupts me before I can even get our names out, ” Oh and what is that supposed to mean to me?”

I say, “well I’m not sure, just that we are his family and we are here to see him because he works so hard for the school we rarely get to see him.”

She hisses back with, “Oh well I’m so glad you come to see their daddy.”

I am getting confused now. I don’t understand why she is being so rude. It seems like a simple matter of knowing all your facts and repairing the previous damage. But she seems bent on being defensive. I realize this quickly and keep myself calm saying only, “yes its very important to them considering how much they don’t get to see him. Now my point was……………”

Interrupted again with, “oh but um I thought you came up here because we started off on the wrong foot, how is this making it better?”

She has totally put me in some alternate universe at this point, I am clueless as to why she is speaking to me this way and now raising her voice and standing up in my face. I raise my voice a bit to try and speak over her as she continues to interrupt my every word.

“I JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP US TO KNOW EACH OTHER SINCE WE WILL BE ATTENDING MOST EVERY GAME.”

For some reason she took this as a threat also and got closer to me and said some bullshit about “oh yeah? really? what is that supposed to mean?”

Then some man from behind me touches my shoulder and says, “hey you don’t yell at her. she is a volunteer.”

My response to him was, “I don’t believe I was speaking to you, and that’s great she is volunteering for her child’s school.”

I look at this woman who is still in my space, “So are you a booster parent?”

and she come back with yet another, “why whats that supposed to imply.”

Gahhhh woman, Im thinking holy shit you are so paranoid. I’m not playing who is better than who here. I am just trying to intro-fucking duce myself. At this point I am beyond frustrated.

I ask them all, “hey so tell me something, if Mr. N came through here and needed to go out and come back in would you stop him too?”

I get a blank look, because they would not and could not do this to him.

“Well then you don’t need to stop me either. He is too busy working out there to escort me in and out of this gate and should NOT have to.  The purpose of the no return rule is for the young people trying manipulate and play around, it is not intended for coaches,staff and close family of those people.”

of course no one was listening to reason. they all felt some sort of misguided duty to restrict me from letting my child pee in an appropriate place or letting me make peace with them. At this point, another coach walked up and told them all who I was, as if I needed someone to validate my identity. I know he was being helpful but he shouldn’t have to defend me like that. Even if I was not the “Top Dog’s” wife, if I was a regular attendee there to see the game, with 3 small children and one about to pee himself anyone with an ounce of compassion would have let me pass through without incident and return.  We are not talking about national security here, it was a kids foot ball game.

I am exhausted and tired of thinking of this. I dislike leaving things unattended. I still feel a need to repair this issue and make all communications clear and peaceful. I am now hearing from my husband that they may want me to appologise to them. Really? Cause I thought that is what I was trying to do and they would not let me.

These people need me (in a professional capacity) more than I ever thought.

I think I have purged enough. Thank  you to whoever takes the time to read this personal vomit and love me anyway.