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A Few Moments

First encounter:

A hand up not a hand out.

The man looked me in the eyes and gave of himself the inner most fears and insecurities he normally holds tight.  He was unafraid and shared fully letting out all.  Venting things he may not even want to share with his closest friends. He barely knows me. Yet he gives all this to me and cheerfully awaits my loving response.  How does he know I will be receptive to his verbal dump of his physical and emotional issues?  He knows because I purposely open myself up for it. I am a walking receptacle for people who are in need of honest and upfront solutions to their problems.  I shared my knowledge freely.  I showed him where his own power could be found. He walked away feeling confident and prepared to move forward with an issue and I walked away feeling strong and loving.

Second encounter:

Keeping it cool and distant may be the only safe path for me.

In another moment of my day a person who lives hundreds of miles away from me can throw my entire sense of security and well being off balance.  Just the sound of his voice hurts my heart and sets me on protective mode. Protect myself, my kids, my husband, my emotional well being.  I wish I could reach a point of understanding with this particular individual but that ball would be in his court as I have extended my hand of peace many times.  As it stands now I still consider him a predator of sorts.  He uses intimidation and threats to push his agenda.  His childish selfishness is undiscovered by him due to his imagined ability to understand psychology and how to manipulate the mind. I am sure he considers himself a real grown up. Yet his every word contradicts and shows where he is lacking. I suppose I could spend the rest of my life trying to comprehend this style of individual.  I have many questions rolling through my mind when his presence is anywhere near me…..even if only verbally. I need to learn to just let all that go. Not everyone will heal in life. Not everyone is going to get over the bad things they experienced. Some choose to hold on to anger and hatred and unknowingly or just not caring they spread the noxious stench of that feeling to everyone they encounter. I have no choice but to continue to know this person, I suppose I should just learn to separate my caring side and stop trying to bring a reality to his world and just stay cool and calm and let him play his game alone. I will just be a silent bystander.