I have a problem. I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend. I wanted it to be peaceful and calm. I mean I do care about her. I wanted to be friends. I just couldn’t stay with her cause I’m only 16 and she is 13 and things were getting to serious. I wanted to meet other girls and sort of figure out what kind of person I really mix well with.

Um so here is the shitter. She flips out on me on random days for random reasons. I told her we could still be friends and we talk just as much as we used to. Like every night. She gets jealous when I don’t respond to her texts.

Well this crap keeps happening and she keeps trying to make me feel bad and now she is telling me she is pregnant. She said some horrible stuff to me, like she would abort the baby cause she hates the thought of someone living inside of her that has any part of me in it. Or she calls me and says she will keep it and never let me see it. She is freaking out and crying and saying awful things to me.  I don’t know anything about how the girls body works, but she said she was on birth control before all this, now she says it must have not worked. I don’t know if that is true, can that happen?

I’m already upset that I didn’t  use a condom and believed she was on birth control. I’m already upset that i may have created a human being at the age of 16yrs old, but I’m hurt even more that someone who says they love you can say such horrible things you. It seems like she never loved me at all if she can do this to me.

I don’t know what my parents will say or do. I’m sort of afraid to mention it to them. I haven’t mentioned this to any other people at all really. I am still in shock I think.

What do I do? Should I talk to her more? Should I ignore her? It all hurts so much and this is just too big for me to deal with alone.

any help is appreciated,

Young, Dumb and full of ……….

Dear Young,Dumb and full of……….,

Short version: Keep your dick covered from now on. Worry about school not screwing.

Now for the real deal on helping you cope. It’s very possible she is fabricating.  It is so common for young girls and even some seriously stunted women to pull this shit when they feel they are losing a man. So don’t believe her fully until you see proof she is pregnant. Insist on going to a doctor appt with her, tell her you want to see this life you created. If she chooses to abort then offer to pay for half of it. Ask for the clinic name and call them and just ask how much it costs for an abortion so you get the right amount. Your looking at like 300 dollars just from you. If she refuses to take your money then she is most likely lying and will try to use the “fact” that she had an abortion to make you feel like shit later.  But seriously if this is something that you believe would have happened recently then you should just wait a month or two. There really is nothing you can do if she is knocked up or if she is lying.  Either way you need sleep,you need to go to school, and you need to live your life. Do those things. Take care of yourself and for Gods sake keep a fucking condom on if you screw around with any other girls. If you do that, then you always have the security of knowing no female can mess with you on this subject again.

Now for the emotional part of this game she is playing.   People have a bad habit of trying to tear others down when they are feeling insecure or lonely or just shitty in general. It’s not that she didn’t ever love you, its just that she doesn’t love herself very much and doesn’t understand how to deal with her emotions. This is common and I’m sure if you search back in your mind you will remember many a time you have spoken harshly to someone you said you loved. Your love didn’t stop just because you told your sister she was stupid brat or when you told your mom you hated her, you were just expressing yourself the only way you knew how. The goal is to grow over time and no longer use attacks to try to heal your own frustration or pain.  So try to understand that this very young girl has obviously taken on more than she can deal with. If she could deal with it properly she would not be in so much pain. This also leaves open the idea that you have taken on more than you can deal with, you may want to consider that you are just too young to be delving into sexual relationships right now. Now even if you take the sex out just a serious relationship could get dicey for you.

If you want the pain to stop, let it come without fighting it, be kind to the person hurting you without letting go of your self respect. When she tries to be dramatic and hurtful, just say you wont speak to her when she is acting that way and hang up. If it feels right, once you find out she is not pregnant cut off all ties with her.  She has some serious issues to deal with and your too young to be her therapist.

Enjoy your youth using your brain not your dick. Feel free to email me again if you need more help.

Take care,

Hopenminded

I am not big on writing but a friend told me to give you a try because you helped him.

I am a 52 year old man. I have 3 kids they are 17,15 and 13years.  My wife has a business she runs and it keeps her pretty busy. I am in good shape for my age and have always been very active and upbeat.

Until recently

The kids don’t  want to hang out with old dad anymore. We used to have lots of fun going to ball games and fishing and  paint ball, but ever since my wife started her business and its become successful things have changed.

Before we both worked and the kids had the basics and any extra was put away for school or family trips. But everyone was always happy and we were always together.  Now that my wife is doing so well, I don’t really even need to go to work and she buys the kids everything they have ever wanted.  I feel like I have been replaced by I-phones and video games. I dont see my boys anymore except when they come home to change clothes.

I find myself bored, staring at porn or going to work and being in a haze all day. My job is nothing special, I don’t dislike it and I don’t love it.  I don’t want to be intimate with my wife, even if she did have the time for me. Food doesn’t really taste good anymore to me.

I don’t know what really happened here. Over the last year I have gone from being a happy, active father who is very involved in his kids lives and I enjoyed a healthy sex life with my wife to a bored, sad, and flabby little man.

What can I do to get out of this slump?

Needing a change,

Lonely Old Fart

Dear Lonely Old Fart,

Hello and thank you for writing to me.  I would like to start off by saying that all I say to you comes from a place of love and respect.  As your friend may have told you I am a straight shooter so there will be no fluff here.  You don’t have time for fluff. It sounds to me like your sinking into a self imposed depression.  Your life changed and you were set in your ways. You were safe and somewhat boring. Now things have gotten bigger and everyone is busy, too busy for you.

Don’t be disheartened.  You can turn this around.  I would like to see you take on the same style of changes as the rest of your family. I know at first it might feel uncomfortable but I think my suggestions will grow on you and which ever feels most natural will be successful.

Remember these are only suggestions. I want you to sit with them for a while and really feel out which ones feel good to you.

1: get yourself a cell phone if you don’t have one and learn how to text your kids. If this is their current mode of communication, it might just grab their attention.

2: stay clear of the porn for now. if your down, porn is like pot or booze, its  downer and it will only bring you down farther. Porn should be saved for the fully strong and healthy just as pot and booze.

3: talking to your wife again about how you feel. If she can’t make time for you in her busy schedule then sneak into her organizer or schedule and put yourself in there for a 3 or 4 hour slot. Give yourself some fake business name and have the location of the meeting be at some restaurant that you know would be helpful to starting those marital flames again.

4: quit your job (if it truly has no positive benefit in your life)

5: explore educational opportunities in your area. Its never too late for you to learn a new trade or just take some classes in something you have always been interested in but couldn’t pursue because your family needed you to work.

6: your kids are still your kids. If you must put your foot down then do it. Tell them each that you have chosen a specific day and you will be doing something on that day with them no excuses out of them on how they can’t.

7. if putting your foot down just isn’t your thing, then continue on a path of finding what you enjoy doing. Make sure you share the adventures at home. Either by leaving out pictures of you bungee jumping or a painting you finished or a video of you racing a motorcycle around a track…..something anything just make sure they know your living your life and want them to check it out. Eventually the newness of the cell phones and other toys and friends will wear off and the solid relationship you have built over the years will resurface.

8. after the romantic meeting with your wife schedule another with her (if you still need to) to discuss how much you miss her and maybe you can help ease some of her busy work so she too has more time to be physically involved in the family instead of just throwing toys and money at everyone.  I wonder if she is doing well enough now to hire someone to help her.

9: If the above changes all feel too big for you, then start with small things. For people who have trouble with change its best to start on the smallest level and move up.  So start with changing your toothpaste or coffee or start getting your car washed at a different place, heck live on the wild side and check out that new Moroccan restaurant that just opened up.

You get what I’m saying here.  Don’t stay stagnant. Move and change with your family.  They have  moved without you not because they left you behind but because you have kept yourself back. It is up to you to make the changes needed to remind them and yourself of the great relationship you had and will have.

Good luck with all the changes. Let me know if you need anymore help. Please let me know how this works out for you.

with love,

Hopenminded