I have been one busy mother fucker. Ok so that might not be such a nice thing to say to most, but Im just to busy to give a rats ass. I play derby now. Let me tell you that when you play derby you either do it half assed and never get anywhere (except you get to party like a derby girl) or you work hard and you dedicate yourself to the sport (and you party like a derby girl) and NO one seems to appreciate or understand your dedication. Well no one that is not a derby related person. My derby sisters understand, my refs understand, hell even the super fans understand im sure in their super fan kind of way. People in your life that don’t love derby the way you do, wont understand. They think you are just selfish and obsessing on your hobby.
Im not the kind of person who obsesses on silly things. I don’t or have I ever idolized any human being. I don’t buy the newest coolest technological toy as soon as it comes out. I don’t follow anything trendy. I pay close attention to the things in life that make an over all difference. I focus on the richness of living. I spent years focusing on being pregnant, birthing, and breastfeeding. I spent years on natural remedies and cures. I have come to trust my judgement and opinion on the experiences I have. I no longer doubt myself, there is no need to. I am right. Loving is greatness. Playing is greatness. Doing good is greatness. Damn it Derby is greatness.
To play it with your body mind and soul is to understand it’s greatness.
I hav come. I have observed and I have found derby to be worthy of greatness.
You say the world sucks and is full of nothing but rapists and murderers. I know this is not going to go over well, but my dear that is what you see because that is all you choose to see. It’s confusing when you constantly complain about it, yet you refuse to see the beauty just around the corner. To constantly watch someone I love drag their own soul down into the fucking muck is tiresome. I wish I could spare you the turmoil and pain, but for whatever reason you need to experience life this way for now. I hope you get over it soon. I look forward to the day your repulsive view of the world turns to something more palatable. Until it does, I will keep on loving you and telling you when your being a Douchy McDoucher.
“no don’t do that, you can’t do that, your too small. Don’t you know you just can’t do that. Your not big enough, No….NO…..NO…..NO” Repeat this same sort of thing OVER and OVER for 10 straight minutes.
In line to return something
“Miss Know it all to her companion:
” Yeah I have to return this shirt, I won’t dare try something on HERE….ewww, I was surprised they even carried a brand like this, suppose it serves me right for shopping here though they probably got all the misshapen items to be cheaper. “
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“Can you believe Helen brought that man to the BBQ last night, she just met him and she was already slow dancing with him. I would never do thaaaat…ughhh. She is too old to be acting like a young school girl. She has no class. That man is going to take her for a ride for sure.That is exactly why I just don’t date anymore, they are all liars and users.”
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“My sister says she is going to send her kids to public school. I tried to tell her what a huge mistake that was but she just kept saying how expensive private school is and they are barely scraping by. Oh sure they are scraping by, I saw they bought a new boat for when they go camping…..maybe they should just sell that boat and one of there cars and they could do right by those kids and send them to a proper school. I’m so glad I don’t have kids, but if i did I sure wouldn’t screw them up like she is. You know you have to make certain sacrifices if you want to be a good parent.”
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“I saw this lady in the store the other day. She had this brat screaming in her cart pulling everything off the shelves. I was so pleased to see some REAL parenting when she pulled herself out of that line and took the child to the side and spanked him. You just don’t see people do that anymore and its a shame. You know that is why we have such horrible juvenile delinquents running around everywhere.
Huh just yesterday one of them came to my door, ignoring my no solicitors sign, and giving me some sob story about needing to raise money for his football team, he had a plastic tub full of candy bars. OH PLEEEEEASE, like i would buy candy bars off some dirty hoodlum who rang my bell. If he really was from a football team they should tell them to dress in nicer clothes when they go out begging…ughhhh.”
The companion then said, “Oh Abby SHUT UP!”
In Target:
3 year old girl: “I’m tired.”
her mother: ignores her, and continues talking into her blue tooth
3year old girl: “mama, I’m tired and my legs hurt.”
her mother: ignores her, still chatting on the blue tooth
3 year old girl: ” mama………..mamaaa MY LEGS REALLY HURT!”
her mother: “uh huh, thats nice honey” back to the blue tooth
3year old girl: sits on her butt in the isle, screams at her mom, “I can’t walk.”
her mother: had just got off the blue tooth and says, ” OH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING?” She then swoops the child up violently and tosses her in the cart, and says, “there now shut up retard.”
Oh these people are making it so hard to not place judgment. I want so bad to speak up, to help, to do anything to bring a different feeling to these situations. Normally I would. Normally I am able to bring things around to a more pleasant experience for all. I wonder how long I am going to be in need of keeping my mouth shut and just listening and observing. It’s killing me. I am starting to feel better. I have a healthy grasp of my role in the world again, but a few more days will still be good for me.
When you constantly feel like your life is going in circles and nothing is changing or getting better, it’s because it is going in circles.
You analyse your “shit” and see what needs improvement.
You make lists and flimsy attempts to repair old damage and create new platforms to hoist yourself up to, but you fail fail fail.
You begin to feel sorry for yourself.
You ask others why things aren’t getting better.
They don’t have the damn answers, you dolt. You have all the answers. You were born with them. It’s your life, you have to put forward the real and difficult changes needed to break out of that circle and create a new future.
Or continue to sit in your circle playing footsie with yourself wondering why your life sucks.
It’s as if you are still in school and you got lazy and cocky thinking you knew all the answers so you didn’t need to study. You get in and take the test and fail miserably and next year wonder why you have to take algebra over again.
Get it? Its all like that. A lesson. Learn it. Move on to the next one.
