0

Derby Greatness

I have been one busy mother fucker. Ok so that might not be such a nice thing to say to most, but Im just to busy to give a rats ass. I play derby now. Let me tell you that when you play derby you either do it half assed and never get anywhere (except you get to party like a derby girl) or you work hard and you dedicate yourself to the sport (and you party like a derby girl) and NO one seems to appreciate or understand your dedication. Well no one that is not a derby related person. My derby sisters understand, my refs understand, hell even the super fans understand im sure in their super fan kind of way. People in your life that don’t love derby the way you do, wont understand. They think you are just selfish and obsessing on your hobby.

Im not the kind of person who obsesses on silly things. I don’t or have I ever idolized any human being. I don’t buy the newest coolest technological toy as soon as it comes out. I don’t follow anything trendy.   I pay close attention to the things in life that make an over all difference. I focus on the richness of living.   I spent years focusing on being pregnant, birthing, and breastfeeding. I spent years on natural remedies and cures.  I have come to trust my judgement and opinion on the experiences I have. I no longer doubt myself, there is no need to.  I am right. Loving is greatness. Playing is greatness. Doing good is greatness. Damn it Derby is greatness.

To play it with your body mind and soul is to understand it’s greatness.   

I hav come. I have observed and I have found derby to be worthy of greatness.

2

Spanked

No I’m not talking about those shameful things I used to do for money back in the day……

I’m talking about life. My life and all the exceptional kick assedness that it brings.  I have not had time for the relaxing things that I enjoy. Like helping people with their problems and listening and encouraging or sewing, dancing, singing, hiking, riding my bike or even a lazy afternoon in front of the television.

I have found myself lately being overwhelmed by all the possibilities in my life. I suppose that happens when you stop living like a victim, an abused child, and grow the fuck up and realize you have choices and wisdom and passion and endless possibilities. With all the possibilities swirling around, like going back to school, creating my tinctures, helping friends get well, parties for days in OCTOBER,  creating my own business, honing my writing skills, and a million other things my mind chooses to create throughout the day.  I realized I needed to focus back on the basics.  My basics consist of the house, the kids, the animals and the man, oh and my mental well being always comes first.  Sounds selfish I know, but when you have been as “crazy” as I have been for as long as I have been you understand that my sanity is key to everyone else’s safety and positive life experiences.  I have a civic responsibility to not go bat shit nuts ever again, so I must work out at least 3 days a week and get plenty of sleep. After that, my house is not exactly the picture of clean and I certainly wouldn’t want to invite someone into it like this.

So of course me being me.  I did just that. I invited someone over.  This is the only way I will get myself to do what needs to be done around her.  I will clean the underside of my toilet if I think a new friend is coming over. Of course my son will piss all over it the second before she knocks on the door but still, I did the work damn it.

Today I challenged myself to a race.  Racing myself in the day to see who wins the lazy ass bitch who says fuck it and jumps on the Internet or the hard core me who burns 500 calories at the gym before 10 a.m. and gets her kids played with, read to, and tuckered out in time to do the damned dishes and have dinner ready  for my spectacular husband to come home and enjoy it with me.

Ya know what, hard core me totally finished first today.

I can be super woman and get it all done in a day. I do realize that all the stars were aligned and my moon must have been its positive orbital trajectory and some other such bullshit in order for me to actually accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish.  I half want to thank the damn universe for working so well with me today.   I even walked the dog and found a belly dancing class just up the street. I can sign up and enrich my womanly goodness even further. I’m just hot shit today.

Even though I do feel like a very accomplished woman right now, I also feel quite spanked, spent, put firmly in my place.  I can’t quite tell if this is a good feeling or not.    I play a tough girl on “TV” but really I just want to know where I belong and be there. I want that all powerful Being to show me my path and put me on it intently with a little swat to my ass and say, “go to it girl, do what you do and do it damn well.”  Of course I would never take such instruction from any human being on this planet unless we were wearing costumes and leather was involved. Considering I put myself through this day, I suppose I spanked my own ass. I am in control. I am the dominant.  I suppose that’s just how God made me.  I like God. He does some good stuff.

Hot damn there I go finishing out my day with an epiphany. Can’t get much better than that……………unless you throw in a beer and a good movie. Tired eyes permitting of course.

4

Paying Attention

Observing and listening

The thin girl with her mother searching for school clothes.

Mother says, “do they only make these pants in XX or husky?  It’s so difficult sometimes to find clothes for my daughter, it seems the world is becoming naturally geared toward the overweight and obese.  They tell me I have to find her clothes in the ’slim’ section, as if she is some kind of freakishly small person.  She is normal and healthy a minority I suppose.”

In the parking lot at the Wal Mart on a Saturday before noon. I am located 1 car away and my windows are down, I am in a truck that sits high.

They park 3 rows away from each other. She is in her turquoise Trans Am. There is tape on many of the windows, grey and peeling.  She is blasting her rap music, while yelling on her cell phone that she is in the second row of cars from the main road, first parking stall nearest the cart return.

30 seconds pass.

A man dressed in a sideways ball cap, sweat stained wife beater, and baggy jeans exposing his red checkered boxers, weaves in and out of cars heading in the direction of the woman in the Trans Am. As he approaches he is looking into each car he passes. He reaches the Trans Am and without a knock or hello enters the passenger side door.

The woman turns to him. They exchange words.  The woman repositions her body so she is facing the man. The man reaches down and unbuttons his pants, and pulls his penis out.  The woman proceeds to pleasure him to climax.  The woman sits up and reaches behind her seat and pulls out what appears to be a little girls dress from a pile of laundry.  She uses this pink fluffy thing to wipe her mouth and tosses it to the back again.  The man hands the woman a small bag with white powder in it.

The man now zipped up, gets out of the Trans Am and walks back to where he came from, again weaving in and out of other parked cars looking into every window.  The woman left only after dipping her head down into the seat next to her and sniffing.  She brought her head up quickly and plugging each nostril one at a time inhaled fiercely.  She then started her car and attempted clumsily to back out of her parking stall.  The man  got into his car and sat talking on his cell phone.

In my house.

The dog brings her ball inside the house. Her tail is wagging. She drops the ball in front of the 6yr old, she ignores the dog. The dog drops the ball in front of the 3 year old, he ignores the dog.  the dog whines  and uses her voice in some manner that is not quite a bark nor a whine, almost like a human grumbling. The dog picks up the ball again and drops it in front of the  2yr old boy.  The dog speaks to the small child and the child looks at the dog and smiles, picks up the ball. He tells the dog to sit, the dog sits.  The 2yr old throws the ball with all his might across the house and yells “get it.”  The dog bounces happily toward the ball that only went 8 feet or so, and quickly returns to the smallest child.  The child says to the dog, ” LEAVE IT…..GRRRRR”.  The dog drops the ball and this little game continues for about 10 more minutes.

When the playing is done, the youngest boy and the dog lay down on the living room floor together.

3

I’m Shoveling it

and I’m using my mini shovel.

I get these spectacular ideas from my everyday life and inspirations from wonderful writers. I feel the ideas well up inside of me and grow, like a flower being filmed on some nature show in fast forward. The seed is planted, the bud peeks out of the ground and before you know it you have a full on stem and leaf unfurling itself for all to see and all this within 30 seconds or so. That is how my ideas blossom. One problem, I’m scatter brained and unorganized. I get too many ideas and think they are all the bee’s knees but before I get a chance to write them down or even jot a note on my had to recall the inspiration for later blogging, something comes along to distract, dismay or detour my enlightenment.

Currently I have a severe double ear infection my eustation tubes are full and I can’t hear anyone unless they are looking right at me. My own words spoken are like a booming Megaphone only I can hear. When your voice is that loud, you realize you talk to damn much and maybe what you have to say really is not that important. I long for silence.

So I sit and I wait for my hearing to come back so I can once again fill my mind, my hand, my scraps of paper, and my blog with my mind boggling epiphanies and clusterfucks of spiffy ideas. I swear I have been having pages upon pages of mind blowing ideas. Unfortunately my illness and all my nagging children leave me with only the shitter invention. So it’s all yours.

To keep things visually interesting here is my latest “clusterfuck” of an idea. Personally I don’t think its such a bad idea. Of course my family laughs at me.

We are planning a roughin‘ it camping trip. The camp site does provide port-o-potties. I refuse to use a shared-shit-shack, that’s just nasty as hell. My husband doesn’t believe in spending a lot of money. So I have to get inventive using very little money sometimes.

Here you go:

First you need a head strap light(for those night trips to the shitter)

You need a 5 or 7 gallon bucket with the bottom cut out (so your shit can fall to the hole you have dug in the ground)

Use an old wire hanger to create a toilet paper holder and some toilet paper. Get your kids toilet ring so they don’t fall in. Or you can go to your local R.E.I and get one of these.

You put it all together and you have sanitary shitters for you and your family.

Don’t forget to buy a mini shovel for those shit holes

For my frugal husband, all this only cost us 9 bucks……the cost of the head light. Which I’m sure we will find many other uses for. The rest of it, we already had around the house. Unless you decide to chip in for the fancy potty seat for 12.99. Oooohh we could be livin‘ large darlin‘.

5

Do NOT Self Diagnose

Little girl.

You lie.

You tell folks that care about you that you have some horrible life altering mental condition.

You are really OK.

You just need some reality without violence to scare off your old memories.

Your not seeing monsters and ghosties in your twilight hours.

Your mind is finally old enough to deal with the horrible things you saw as a wee one and its now releasing them into your consciousness.

You are not sick.

You will be ok.

Stop dooming your existence.

For goodness sake you are loved, trust that…..not the dark shadows of your lying mind.

Talk and ask questions EDUCATE yourself. The light will come.

3

Urban Dictionary

I swear I didn’t know this existed. I was on a different computer and was looking for my blog. I typed in hopenminded and the search came back with this . I had no idea there was a dictionary entry on me.

It made me giggle inside as I thought of the many people who really did NOT like me when they first met me (online). After some time of them tolerating my “hippie dippie happy” view on life and my openness to most ideas, no matter how strange they seemed to main stream society, most of these people came to understand me better and most actually like me. A few just tolerate me or ignore me and I’m ok with that. I understand everyone is different and needs different influences in there life.

I am always amazed at this life we live. It’s such a fun journey. I love the growth and change that comes with age and experience. I don’t know exactly why I get to be so (for the most part) peaceful NOW, but I am so thankful for it. Maybe its true that all things must have balance in life. My childhood was the stuff of horror movies, so it only makes sense that now I should be happy and safe.

I have a strong passion to give peace to others. I want so much to bring them this feeling I have. I am not exactly sure how to do it. I’m searching for my way in this one. I know I wont fit into a traditional therapists “chair”. No I need something with a wider spectrum. I need to be free to give the truth from my heart and mind not from just a text book. I think they call these people Life Coaches. Sounds kinda wacky to some, but in my search I have found so many people looking to Life Coaches to help them change their lives. What a wonderful way for me to share my Hopenmindedness.