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Derby Greatness

I have been one busy mother fucker. Ok so that might not be such a nice thing to say to most, but Im just to busy to give a rats ass. I play derby now. Let me tell you that when you play derby you either do it half assed and never get anywhere (except you get to party like a derby girl) or you work hard and you dedicate yourself to the sport (and you party like a derby girl) and NO one seems to appreciate or understand your dedication. Well no one that is not a derby related person. My derby sisters understand, my refs understand, hell even the super fans understand im sure in their super fan kind of way. People in your life that don’t love derby the way you do, wont understand. They think you are just selfish and obsessing on your hobby.

Im not the kind of person who obsesses on silly things. I don’t or have I ever idolized any human being. I don’t buy the newest coolest technological toy as soon as it comes out. I don’t follow anything trendy.   I pay close attention to the things in life that make an over all difference. I focus on the richness of living.   I spent years focusing on being pregnant, birthing, and breastfeeding. I spent years on natural remedies and cures.  I have come to trust my judgement and opinion on the experiences I have. I no longer doubt myself, there is no need to.  I am right. Loving is greatness. Playing is greatness. Doing good is greatness. Damn it Derby is greatness.

To play it with your body mind and soul is to understand it’s greatness.   

I hav come. I have observed and I have found derby to be worthy of greatness.

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Payin’ Up

Pay pal is empty?  Gotta fill it somehow.

Don’t give up just because you think your “broke”.  You always have resources.  Your change could be just under that cushion.  It is within your grasp.

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MAGNIFIQUE LIBERTE

I feel so fortunate to be able to pull out so many positive experiences from my sex,drugs and rock & roll life style as a young person. I know a lot of people who look back on their past excursions as some kind of shameful history never to be looked upon again. I’m sorry for you, that it was so dark you had no fun at all. I can identify with the darkness but choose to pull light out of any place I can. I would be one miserable son-of-a-bitch if all i saw was the darkness. Now that I think about it, I was one miserable S.O.B in my earlier days. Just a few years ago, when I had the misguided impression I was supposed to fit in with society. Uggg what a child I was.

So I will put away the whining and bitching of all that was DONE TO ME and celebrate and take credit for all that I chose to do.

I chose to have sex with many different people. An experience I never wish to take back. I learned so much and loved so deeply. Each one of my lovers taught me something, whether it be about sex itself, about being hurt, being loved, letting go and healing, or taking back my power and saving my soul.

So to Christopher my young love I wish you a happy life. I envision you living on some compound surrounded by beautiful naked women. Being free and loving your life fully.

To the other young loves I had (I won’t name because they might actually find this someday) you were special too. My first boy in 7th grade, you fucking hurt me. Taught me what sex was NOT supposed to be. My first bj boy, you taught me NO teeth, oops sorry. My first ghetto boyfriend thanks for putting me in such peril all the damn time. I might have never known how others experienced violence. You mean it can come from places other than mommy and daddy?
My first college boyfriend (I was in 9th grade). I thought you were beautiful. I didn’t see you as overweight, you could have totally gone out with someone your own age. Its ok, you were kind to me and did your best as a boyfriend.

Oh I must have special mention for another favorite. Nathan, my friend, my past lover, my teacher. You were and are magic, but you have always known that. You have more talent in your pinky than most people have in 80 yrs of life. You brought out in me what years of abuse from my family tried to squash down and totally ruin. You found the me I would have been if I had never been tainted by this world. I thank you for that. Since I do know how your doing, I can say, I’m not surprised and and quite pleased for you.

For the one timers and I don’t remember your namers. I hope you enjoyed yourself. I hope I made some impression on you. If it were good or bad I don’t mind, just something. I’m sorry I don’t remember your names, ya know how it is when your young DUMB and full of cum. Well obviously you do. Thank you for showing me I was indeed worth so much more. The cold unloved feeling I was left with quickly made me realize I wanted more for myself. I wish only the best for all of you and hope you too came to the conclusion I did.

For the father of my first son. You really were one of the loves of my life. In my heart I have never wished ill will on you. Out of respect I say no more.

For the women who I had the good fortune to screw, make love to, fuck, and generally just devour. Thank you sweets. Thank you for sharing yourselves and your lives with me. My passions grew and I learned so much about who I am through loving you.

My favorite would be Katie. Oh Katie, you were a wonderful roommate,lover,counselor,friend, and teacher. You had your quirks, but the beauty and openness to understand me and share your knowledge has shaped who I am today.

My boy toys. You were cute, you were fun, you had no money and barely knew how to have a conversation but you made me feel young and that was needed at the time. I wish you all the best and hope you grew up well.

That one guy who tried to beat me. Thanks dude. I always wondered what I would do if some guy tried to fuck with me the way they always fucked with my mom. Now I know, I just don’t take that kind of crap. I don’t even mind that I had to go to jail for 4 days. Kicking your ass was worth it.

Random bar guy. I’m so glad I told your wife. That shit was just jacked up and it taught me that I am a good person and have no desire to harm anyone, no matter how much I may not like them.

My husband, seriously you are THE MAN. I was so excited when I finally got to meet you. I knew you were coming, I knew we would meet, and I knew we would be wonderful together but I had no way of fully understanding the greatness of US until it all came true. We are magic together. I love you more every time we touch. This is the stuff that makes life worth living. To finish out my days with you is all I desire or require. I look forward to more and more of you, my love.