Pay pal is empty? Gotta fill it somehow.
Don’t give up just because you think your “broke”. You always have resources. Your change could be just under that cushion. It is within your grasp.
On the playground
Miss Scaredy Pants Mom:
“no don’t do that, you can’t do that, your too small. Don’t you know you just can’t do that. Your not big enough, No….NO…..NO…..NO” Repeat this same sort of thing OVER and OVER for 10 straight minutes.
In line to return something
“Miss Know it all to her companion:
” Yeah I have to return this shirt, I won’t dare try something on HERE….ewww, I was surprised they even carried a brand like this, suppose it serves me right for shopping here though they probably got all the misshapen items to be cheaper. “
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“Can you believe Helen brought that man to the BBQ last night, she just met him and she was already slow dancing with him. I would never do thaaaat…ughhh. She is too old to be acting like a young school girl. She has no class. That man is going to take her for a ride for sure.That is exactly why I just don’t date anymore, they are all liars and users.”
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“My sister says she is going to send her kids to public school. I tried to tell her what a huge mistake that was but she just kept saying how expensive private school is and they are barely scraping by. Oh sure they are scraping by, I saw they bought a new boat for when they go camping…..maybe they should just sell that boat and one of there cars and they could do right by those kids and send them to a proper school. I’m so glad I don’t have kids, but if i did I sure wouldn’t screw them up like she is. You know you have to make certain sacrifices if you want to be a good parent.”
(SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
“I saw this lady in the store the other day. She had this brat screaming in her cart pulling everything off the shelves. I was so pleased to see some REAL parenting when she pulled herself out of that line and took the child to the side and spanked him. You just don’t see people do that anymore and its a shame. You know that is why we have such horrible juvenile delinquents running around everywhere.
Huh just yesterday one of them came to my door, ignoring my no solicitors sign, and giving me some sob story about needing to raise money for his football team, he had a plastic tub full of candy bars. OH PLEEEEEASE, like i would buy candy bars off some dirty hoodlum who rang my bell. If he really was from a football team they should tell them to dress in nicer clothes when they go out begging…ughhhh.”
The companion then said, “Oh Abby SHUT UP!”
In Target:
3 year old girl: “I’m tired.”
her mother: ignores her, and continues talking into her blue tooth
3year old girl: “mama, I’m tired and my legs hurt.”
her mother: ignores her, still chatting on the blue tooth
3 year old girl: ” mama………..mamaaa MY LEGS REALLY HURT!”
her mother: “uh huh, thats nice honey” back to the blue tooth
3year old girl: sits on her butt in the isle, screams at her mom, “I can’t walk.”
her mother: had just got off the blue tooth and says, ” OH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING?” She then swoops the child up violently and tosses her in the cart, and says, “there now shut up retard.”
Oh these people are making it so hard to not place judgment. I want so bad to speak up, to help, to do anything to bring a different feeling to these situations. Normally I would. Normally I am able to bring things around to a more pleasant experience for all. I wonder how long I am going to be in need of keeping my mouth shut and just listening and observing. It’s killing me. I am starting to feel better. I have a healthy grasp of my role in the world again, but a few more days will still be good for me.
Dear Hopenminded,
I am not big on writing but a friend told me to give you a try because you helped him.
I am a 52 year old man. I have 3 kids they are 17,15 and 13years. My wife has a business she runs and it keeps her pretty busy. I am in good shape for my age and have always been very active and upbeat.
Until recently
The kids don’t want to hang out with old dad anymore. We used to have lots of fun going to ball games and fishing and paint ball, but ever since my wife started her business and its become successful things have changed.
Before we both worked and the kids had the basics and any extra was put away for school or family trips. But everyone was always happy and we were always together. Now that my wife is doing so well, I don’t really even need to go to work and she buys the kids everything they have ever wanted. I feel like I have been replaced by I-phones and video games. I dont see my boys anymore except when they come home to change clothes.
I find myself bored, staring at porn or going to work and being in a haze all day. My job is nothing special, I don’t dislike it and I don’t love it. I don’t want to be intimate with my wife, even if she did have the time for me. Food doesn’t really taste good anymore to me.
I don’t know what really happened here. Over the last year I have gone from being a happy, active father who is very involved in his kids lives and I enjoyed a healthy sex life with my wife to a bored, sad, and flabby little man.
What can I do to get out of this slump?
Needing a change,
Lonely Old Fart
Dear Lonely Old Fart,
Hello and thank you for writing to me. I would like to start off by saying that all I say to you comes from a place of love and respect. As your friend may have told you I am a straight shooter so there will be no fluff here. You don’t have time for fluff. It sounds to me like your sinking into a self imposed depression. Your life changed and you were set in your ways. You were safe and somewhat boring. Now things have gotten bigger and everyone is busy, too busy for you.
Don’t be disheartened. You can turn this around. I would like to see you take on the same style of changes as the rest of your family. I know at first it might feel uncomfortable but I think my suggestions will grow on you and which ever feels most natural will be successful.
Remember these are only suggestions. I want you to sit with them for a while and really feel out which ones feel good to you.
1: get yourself a cell phone if you don’t have one and learn how to text your kids. If this is their current mode of communication, it might just grab their attention.
2: stay clear of the porn for now. if your down, porn is like pot or booze, its downer and it will only bring you down farther. Porn should be saved for the fully strong and healthy just as pot and booze.
3: talking to your wife again about how you feel. If she can’t make time for you in her busy schedule then sneak into her organizer or schedule and put yourself in there for a 3 or 4 hour slot. Give yourself some fake business name and have the location of the meeting be at some restaurant that you know would be helpful to starting those marital flames again.
4: quit your job (if it truly has no positive benefit in your life)
5: explore educational opportunities in your area. Its never too late for you to learn a new trade or just take some classes in something you have always been interested in but couldn’t pursue because your family needed you to work.
6: your kids are still your kids. If you must put your foot down then do it. Tell them each that you have chosen a specific day and you will be doing something on that day with them no excuses out of them on how they can’t.
7. if putting your foot down just isn’t your thing, then continue on a path of finding what you enjoy doing. Make sure you share the adventures at home. Either by leaving out pictures of you bungee jumping or a painting you finished or a video of you racing a motorcycle around a track…..something anything just make sure they know your living your life and want them to check it out. Eventually the newness of the cell phones and other toys and friends will wear off and the solid relationship you have built over the years will resurface.
8. after the romantic meeting with your wife schedule another with her (if you still need to) to discuss how much you miss her and maybe you can help ease some of her busy work so she too has more time to be physically involved in the family instead of just throwing toys and money at everyone. I wonder if she is doing well enough now to hire someone to help her.
9: If the above changes all feel too big for you, then start with small things. For people who have trouble with change its best to start on the smallest level and move up. So start with changing your toothpaste or coffee or start getting your car washed at a different place, heck live on the wild side and check out that new Moroccan restaurant that just opened up.
You get what I’m saying here. Don’t stay stagnant. Move and change with your family. They have moved without you not because they left you behind but because you have kept yourself back. It is up to you to make the changes needed to remind them and yourself of the great relationship you had and will have.
Good luck with all the changes. Let me know if you need anymore help. Please let me know how this works out for you.
with love,
Hopenminded
Observing and listening
The thin girl with her mother searching for school clothes.
Mother says, “do they only make these pants in XX or husky? It’s so difficult sometimes to find clothes for my daughter, it seems the world is becoming naturally geared toward the overweight and obese. They tell me I have to find her clothes in the ’slim’ section, as if she is some kind of freakishly small person. She is normal and healthy a minority I suppose.”
In the parking lot at the Wal Mart on a Saturday before noon. I am located 1 car away and my windows are down, I am in a truck that sits high.
They park 3 rows away from each other. She is in her turquoise Trans Am. There is tape on many of the windows, grey and peeling. She is blasting her rap music, while yelling on her cell phone that she is in the second row of cars from the main road, first parking stall nearest the cart return.
30 seconds pass.
A man dressed in a sideways ball cap, sweat stained wife beater, and baggy jeans exposing his red checkered boxers, weaves in and out of cars heading in the direction of the woman in the Trans Am. As he approaches he is looking into each car he passes. He reaches the Trans Am and without a knock or hello enters the passenger side door.
The woman turns to him. They exchange words. The woman repositions her body so she is facing the man. The man reaches down and unbuttons his pants, and pulls his penis out. The woman proceeds to pleasure him to climax. The woman sits up and reaches behind her seat and pulls out what appears to be a little girls dress from a pile of laundry. She uses this pink fluffy thing to wipe her mouth and tosses it to the back again. The man hands the woman a small bag with white powder in it.
The man now zipped up, gets out of the Trans Am and walks back to where he came from, again weaving in and out of other parked cars looking into every window. The woman left only after dipping her head down into the seat next to her and sniffing. She brought her head up quickly and plugging each nostril one at a time inhaled fiercely. She then started her car and attempted clumsily to back out of her parking stall. The man got into his car and sat talking on his cell phone.
In my house.
The dog brings her ball inside the house. Her tail is wagging. She drops the ball in front of the 6yr old, she ignores the dog. The dog drops the ball in front of the 3 year old, he ignores the dog. the dog whines and uses her voice in some manner that is not quite a bark nor a whine, almost like a human grumbling. The dog picks up the ball again and drops it in front of the 2yr old boy. The dog speaks to the small child and the child looks at the dog and smiles, picks up the ball. He tells the dog to sit, the dog sits. The 2yr old throws the ball with all his might across the house and yells “get it.” The dog bounces happily toward the ball that only went 8 feet or so, and quickly returns to the smallest child. The child says to the dog, ” LEAVE IT…..GRRRRR”. The dog drops the ball and this little game continues for about 10 more minutes.
When the playing is done, the youngest boy and the dog lay down on the living room floor together.
Time to be quiet. Time to listen and observe others. Time to focus on everyone else but myself.
I AM BLIND
When my world seems too much for me to take, and everything whirls around in a hurricane. Things I fancy in my control slip from my grasp. I am unable to make sense of or find solutions to dilemas. In most cases I create these issues, just to have something to solve. In my desire to be important or needed, I create a monster that no one wants around, not even myself. I begin to complain about my life, and ask others how to solve the problems. I talk too much of my downfalls and inability to control all that is swimming around. My mind races and I am no longer my true self.
I CAN SEE
The world is not spinning around me, I am spinning around it. I am busily fluttering over everything I consider “my domain” and I am telling myself that this is all something I should be taking care of.
This happens once or twice a year. I know its time to refocus my attention on others. I have lost my way from peace and comfort. I do not like this state I have put myself in.
So I will be quiet, I will observe more and listen intently without judgment or the desire to repair. I am a healer to those who seek healing, when times are slow I shall not create something or someone to heal.
Be in peace.
Some quotes and how they helped :
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
(I bring myself peace by shutting my mouth and opening my heart to others)
He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.
Benjamin Franklin
(Obvious isn’t it)
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa
(I am at peace in you)
It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.
Eleanor Roosevelt
(Being quiet is work for me. It is work I know well to bring me joy, it is worth more than gold)
When you constantly feel like your life is going in circles and nothing is changing or getting better, it’s because it is going in circles.
You analyse your “shit” and see what needs improvement.
You make lists and flimsy attempts to repair old damage and create new platforms to hoist yourself up to, but you fail fail fail.
You begin to feel sorry for yourself.
You ask others why things aren’t getting better.
They don’t have the damn answers, you dolt. You have all the answers. You were born with them. It’s your life, you have to put forward the real and difficult changes needed to break out of that circle and create a new future.
Or continue to sit in your circle playing footsie with yourself wondering why your life sucks.
It’s as if you are still in school and you got lazy and cocky thinking you knew all the answers so you didn’t need to study. You get in and take the test and fail miserably and next year wonder why you have to take algebra over again.
Get it? Its all like that. A lesson. Learn it. Move on to the next one.
Thank you.
and I’m using my mini shovel.
I get these spectacular ideas from my everyday life and inspirations from wonderful writers. I feel the ideas well up inside of me and grow, like a flower being filmed on some nature show in fast forward. The seed is planted, the bud peeks out of the ground and before you know it you have a full on stem and leaf unfurling itself for all to see and all this within 30 seconds or so. That is how my ideas blossom. One problem, I’m scatter brained and unorganized. I get too many ideas and think they are all the bee’s knees but before I get a chance to write them down or even jot a note on my had to recall the inspiration for later blogging, something comes along to distract, dismay or detour my enlightenment.
Currently I have a severe double ear infection my eustation tubes are full and I can’t hear anyone unless they are looking right at me. My own words spoken are like a booming Megaphone only I can hear. When your voice is that loud, you realize you talk to damn much and maybe what you have to say really is not that important. I long for silence.
So I sit and I wait for my hearing to come back so I can once again fill my mind, my hand, my scraps of paper, and my blog with my mind boggling epiphanies and clusterfucks of spiffy ideas. I swear I have been having pages upon pages of mind blowing ideas. Unfortunately my illness and all my nagging children leave me with only the shitter invention. So it’s all yours.
To keep things visually interesting here is my latest “clusterfuck” of an idea. Personally I don’t think its such a bad idea. Of course my family laughs at me.
We are planning a roughin‘ it camping trip. The camp site does provide port-o-potties. I refuse to use a shared-shit-shack, that’s just nasty as hell. My husband doesn’t believe in spending a lot of money. So I have to get inventive using very little money sometimes.
Here you go:
First you need a head strap light(for those night trips to the shitter)
You need a 5 or 7 gallon bucket with the bottom cut out (so your shit can fall to the hole you have dug in the ground)
Use an old wire hanger to create a toilet paper holder and some toilet paper. Get your kids toilet ring so they don’t fall in. Or you can go to your local R.E.I and get one of these.
You put it all together and you have sanitary shitters for you and your family.
Don’t forget to buy a mini shovel for those shit holes
For my frugal husband, all this only cost us 9 bucks……the cost of the head light. Which I’m sure we will find many other uses for. The rest of it, we already had around the house. Unless you decide to chip in for the fancy potty seat for 12.99. Oooohh we could be livin‘ large darlin‘.
Lets begin with the Un planted portion:
The seed of truth has been revealed and pulled the hell out of Bek’s ear. Thank God for medical technologies. You won’t hear me say that often so when I do I mean it.
Holy crap Beks was in pain for over 3 weeks. We went through some serious bullshit to find the truth of what was ailing her. I’m glad I didn’t just listen to the first doctor. He told us she just had a scar on her ear drum. Dumb fuck. Yeah just because you have a medical degree doesn’t mean you get to be lazy with your observations. Shit head, made my baby go through another 7 days of unnecessary pain.
As stated in my previous post, I developed a slight obsession after purchasing my own otoscope so I could eye ball this source of pain myself. I was suspicious that this doctor didn’t have it right, but of course we are trained from infancy to blindly trust the man in the white coat. “He will always know what is best for us”, WHAT EVER…….SHEEP! Considering I did doubt my gut instinct that the doc was full of shit, I have to take responsibility for my girls pain.
A good observant and confident mother or father can know a lot more than an MD in most cases.
I couldn’t take it anymore and made an appt for her with a different doctor. This doc put a tool in Bek’s ear and that tool moved the “scar”. Huh, a scar that moves and when it does, looks like a damn tiny apple seed.
The doc said, she didn’t have the equipment to remove it because it was fused pretty firmly to the wall of the ear.
Here is the video of the specialist with the bad ass equipment to get ‘ER done. He pulls it out pretty quick so I have added a picture of the culprit below.
.
Its a damn flax seed. Come to find out so many moons ago when I was telling her to NOT play in my flax seeds, (that I use to make hot/cold packs to sooth sore muscles) I wasn’t just trying to be a controlling bitch of a mother and had a damn good reason for saying, “knock that off.”
You know I had to rub this in a little with the snotty mouthed little 6year old. “Now honey, next time will you listen when mom says, don’t rain flax seeds all over your head?”
NOTE: in the picture you see some stuff sticking up out of the seed. That is mostly wax but some was skin. Her skin was beginning to fuse to the seed.
Now for the Unplugged portion:
My Bek’s is not only a snotty mouthed 6 year old. She is also bold, tenacious and quit thinking FLIPPIN GENIUS. I love you kid.
So as we are leaving and so very thankful to the specialist, Beks stops the doc and says,
“ya know my mom got this obsession with the ears ever since she bought herself an otoscope, so now she sees in her own ear and there is this giant glob of gross stuff in there she can’t get out. I saw it. Its really gross, can you help her since we are already here?”
For no charge Mr. Cool Specialist man say, “sure, lets get that out.”
I lay down and here is what happens
I know it doesn’t look like much but trust me it was quite the impressive mass.
It all hits me after seeing this thing come out that I have been partially deaf for about 4 years now. I stopped using q-tips about 4 years ago when I learned they were really not helpful in removing wax. So that means this plug had to be there at least that long. Not to mention telling my husband (wrongly) for years he needs to stop mumbling, might have eventually jacked with my harmonious union.
You really know things were bad when you go to use the phone to tell your old man the exciting news and the ring tone hurts your ear drum so bad you drop the phone and want to cry.
I whispered for the first few days and the kids incessant screeching and howling hurt like a bitch but its all starting to feel normal. I do of course have super sonic hearing now.
Oh I can’t wait for the next adventure.
or you can just leave now
You are on a road, you’re heading places. The life you live everyday leads you to a new adventure. Take control of that adventure. Make it what you want it to be. Don’t allow fears and doubts to weaken you. If you continue to let the fears drive, you will lose yourself and become one of drones in this world hobbling around on one brain cell being supported by every pharmaceutical imaginable. Those drugs are fine for those unable to climb out of their shit, but you are capable.
You hold yourself back, limiting your existence. You can do so much more. I hope you see it soon. Your family and friends are being strongly effected by your fears. The toxic words that flow from you are proof that the control is slowly slipping from your hands. You tell yourself you’re not good enough. You say you just CAN’T do things.
I call BULLSHIT!
I saw you take a chance. I saw you come out of your shell and be alive. You can do it. You are capable. You’re such a beautiful person. I don’t think you see it. Such a shame to be wasting the person you are meant to be. What a pathetic existence. If pity is what your after then turn and run from me. I won’t pity you. I won’t enable this behavior. I will challenge you and push your limits to help you create the person you want to be, back on the road you are meant for.
I have seen what happens when the weakness in people takes over. I refuse to condone or promote this in anyone I see on a regular basis. So know, if you are around me I will be up your ass to help you get better. I will set boundaries that may feel like rejection but I never reject. I only love. If I have to step back from your toxic behavior it’s only so I can continue to be the strong person I need to be to help you get back up on your own two feet. So hopefully someday you too can push someone else to stand strong.
You can’t tell me I just don’t understand. I have been in the room of fear and so many other rooms of hell. I climbed out, and so can you. It’s a slow process for most, I understand that. Some progress will be made though and you will move forward. Do it, I challenge you.
I call you out WOMAN.
This item is so dangerous it drove a “perfectly sane woman” to do this to herself.
thankfully ear candling was a pleasant experience.
OH the horrors it showed me
WARNING THIS GETS ICKY GROSS
See the little scar? Isn’t it so cute
First purchase a nice pound or two of Halibut.
Then cube the Halibut
Then put it in a class dish so its all spread out evenly.
Squeeze 2.5 lemons and 3 Limes over the top of the Halibut
Let stand for at least 3 hours on the counter. Keeping it covered with saran wrap.
Now dice up a good handful of tomatoes
some cilantro (to your tastes)
roast a bell pepper then dice
So fun to have a new distraction. I totally get that. :)...
THAT IS FREAKING AWESOME! I hope that you kick ass! Let the blogosphere know how you did! I want to ...
i know and maybe i need to learn to shrink my advice down to the basic and simple but sometimes a pe...
This is wonderful advice. "Perfect" really is in the eye of the beholder....
I love your writing style but at the same time your vagueness of detail drives me nuts. I want to kn...
I'm so proud of you!!!!!...
Good grief. I wanted to throw those shorts on her too. Damn....
P.S. I want a spanking! LOL...
You have such an awesome way with words. You've made me miss being a stay at home mom even more. I r...
Ginny, I wanted to throw the piss filled shorts on the woman. Her arrogance actually had a stench to...
